What Rhymes With Mess?

I never knew how much I LOVE paper towels until I reached for one this morning and found we were out.

And to think we haven't even had gouter (old family and French word for snack), dinner, or pre-bedtime snack.

I sent Evan out into the neighborhood with $3.00 in his pocket and told him to go door to door until someone let him buy a roll of paper towels. I told him not to come home until he had them in hand. He obliged and even came back with the cash. Such a giving hood we live in.

.

April 20, 1971

Derek-Circa 1973

Dear Dad,

While you're slaving away at work today in an effort to make enough money to support our daily habit of milk consumption and desire for red meat, we're at home slaving away in an effort to make this your BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

Mom interviewed us and asked us all what our favorite thing about you was. Here's what we said:

"I like when my Dad plays sports with me. It makes me really happy!"-Evan

"I like when Daddy surprises me with a new toy....and it's the bestest toy ever."-Luke

"My favorite thing is when it's Halloween and Daddy takes me to the store to get some fake blood."-Jack

"My favorite car is Daddy's car. I want hot gum."-Logan

"Daddy....home? Daddy, were-aaa-woo? Daddy go? AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!"-Wes

These are just a few of the reasons why we all agree that you're the best Daddy in the world. Happy Birthday, Dad. We love yo so much.....mommy does too.

Please come home fast. It's so hard for us to keep looking at the yummy cake we made you. Mind if we try a little sample?

Love,

Evan, Luke, Jack, Logan & Wes

The Unveiling....

Did you ever doubt it for one second? Just in case you weren't decidedly sure about which hoodlum defaced my piano, here's a picture of the one who was found guilty as charged.

Yes, it's true. This dimple ridden, bug-hunting, super-inquisitive, sweet as pie child of mine who whispers softly to me each and every night, "Pweese you sweep wif me for a minute?" is indeed the one who took a screw to the piano.

And did other things last week like,

-Color the beige leather interior of our car with a black sharpie.

-Grab the 5 inch plecostomus out of the fish tank, inspect him and leave him for me to find on the carpet the next morning.

It's reasons like these why I love him more each day.

You Be The Judge.....

Our week began with a lineup and is ending the same way.

I came downstairs this morning, only to find my piano vandalized.

Someone scratched it....in a lot of places.

It looked like this:

The guilty party gave himself away as he stood against the wall with a metal screw in his hand.

Any guesses?

His guilty mug will be made public on Monday.

Happy weekend!!

Most Disgusting Post Ever.

Spring.

What does this mean to me? A LOT. No one in the universe gets spring fever as intensely as I do. I'm become a crazed lunatic doing my best to organize, clean, and freshen up the house. It's like the nesting phase of pregnancy....without the pregnant part.

Yesterday I spent 3 hours organizing our laundry room. Who does that? It's not even a laundry room anyway. Just a dumb entryway leading in from the garage where our washer and dryer happen to be located. What a joke. A family with 7 people (6 of them being dirty boys) needs a laundry room. Anyway, our fake laundry room was in dire need of attention. I found things high on the shelves that hadn't been touched since we moved here in 2003. Go ahead, say it. NASTY!

I know.

After that, I stood at the kitchen island and stared at the mantle thinking of other improvements I could make. LOVE my mantle - thanks, Dad. I closed my eyes and made a wish that the Pier One fairy would instantly fly before me and present me with a gift certificate to brighten up my house. I imagined orange, yellow and pale blue spring-like decor smiling back at me. Just as little sparrows began to fly around me and things were becoming cheery and new, I was interrupted by Jack. "Mom.....why are you standing there with your eyes closed?"

My boys think I've lost it.

My day continued with re-arrangement and cleaning. I paid special attention to walls and baseboards. As I made my way down the staircase, washing the banister, spindles and daily grime from the walls, I came across something. A little something, but big with problems. Something heinous and detestable. Something that will haunt me for a long time.

A booger.

Yes, it's true. I found a booger crusted to my wall! (I'm gagging as I write this.)

I took a moment, rubbed my eyes and sat down on the nearest step. I immediately did my best to recount any friends or neighbors' kids that my boys have had into the house. This COULD NOT be the doing of MY perfect children.

How could I go wrong? My boys don't even pick their noses. Well, not very often. Well, except Logan. Logan picks all day long. But I've never seen him actually 'get' anything. I think it's just a habit. When I see the boys even scratch their nose, I freak. I'm quick to point out children who do pick their nose (at the store, park, or anywhere else we may travel), and show my kids how disgusting it looks. I also tell little white lies about horrible diseases you can catch from nose picking and how everyone has a snail in their nose that will bite your finger off if you stick it in too far (props to Mom and Shel Silverstein).

Even if it was one of my boys who picked their nose, wiping it on the wall brings it to an entirely new level.

I will find out who graced my walls with their snot. By line-up (something I'm famous for), interrogation, or DNA, I will find the culprit.

And he shall suffer.

Boogers never have been, and never will be included with springtime decorating at this house.

My apologies to Pocky, who may never speak to me again for using the words booger and snot within the same post.

Worthy Enough For The Louvre.

It's another busy day. I've only had one cup of coffee, which is not nearly enough to even fathom my to-do list for the day. I have lots I'd like to write about, like Tiger Woods' new Nike commercial and other things that make my skin crawl.

Maybe I'll get some writing time later on....maybe.

For now, I leave you with a magnificent piece of art created by Jack.

"Hang this on the fridge!" he demanded. "I drew it for Daddy. It's a picture of a boy going pee pee. He's gonna be so excited!."

Here's hoping today brings you the amount of joy equal to a picture of a boy going pee pee.

One month later...

Dear Blog,

I want to apologize for neglecting you. I hope you didn't take it personally. Things at the Olivas house are crazy, as usual. Evan and Luke are doing their best to enjoy the warm spring days and forget school, while I am stuck inside with schoolwork of my own.
Jack, Logan and Wes spend their days swinging from chandeliers, running naked through the house, beating each other to a pulp, sneaking candy, and making prank phone calls. Whatever keeps them busy.
I am sad that at this point and time, I have no holiday to decorate for. I despise this lag time of nothing to celebrate. (Just in case you were wondering)
So, my dear blog, although I have not treated you kindly for the last month, I hereby promise to add you back into my life....for the time being.

We'll start fresh tomorrow.
See you then,

Amy