Rainy Day Randomness

It's raining here. It's been raining off and on like crazy. I love it, and our grass looks beautiful, but it's giving my boys a horrible case of cabin fever.

Yesterday I put on my 'Mommy of the year' hat and surprised the boys with a field trip to the McDonald's play place. If you know me well, you know that I forbid my children from playing in such filth. There isn't a germier place on earth.....seriously.

We walked in and my nightmare became a reality. Kids with dirty ugly feet and no socks. 12 year-olds running everyone over. You heard me - 12 year-olds playing in the tubes. Kids sneezing and coughing on everything and everyone in sight. Runny noses galore. My kids removed their shoes quicker than ever before. In my eyes they could see a bribe coming on. I would have given anything to go straight back to the car, and they were on to me. Before I could speak, I saw three little Olivas fanny's heading up the tunnel. Too late to grab them. Crapola.

Wes and I grabbed a table and I sized up the company. Every mom does it. Table by table I politely glanced at the other moms. There they sat, all of them with another mom, gossiping the day away while munching their fries and drinking their diet sodas and McCafe's.

I should have known I wouldn't fit in when I walked in and saw that wearing velour pants with a matching hoodie was a prerequisite to enter. That should have been my sign to leave immediately. (To my friends and family who may own a velour jump suit, I apologize. I still love you.)

It didn't take long for my anxiety to kick in. I must have missed the sign on the door that read:

"Attention all Highland's Ranch Mom's-Please grab a bite to eat, something to drink, and bring your snot-nosed, bare-foot, dirty, coughing, sneezing, rude & obnoxious children to our wonderful play place that hasn't been cleaned since we opened 15 years ago. Relax with your girlfriend while your pre-teen successfully plows over toddlers with no remorse. Please don't take time from your precious conversation to wipe your child's nose. Once you walk through our doors, your job as a parent must stay outside. It's our gift to you.

Sincerely, Management."

It was horrible. As if that weren't enough, a girl who was roughly 8 or so took a liking to Wes. Cute little Wes in his stroller. He IS the most irresistible baby on the planet, but look from afar people! There is nothing more disgusting than having an absolute stranger grab your child's finger. At least that's what I thought. I politely (but sternly) asked the girl not to touch his hands. She argued with me that her hands were clean. Clean or not, I said, DON'T TOUCH. I glanced across the room to try and find her mom. As I looked back down, I saw something that almost made me vomit on the annoying girl's head. My sweet baby was sucking on the little girl's finger. That was it. That sent me into attack mode. I told the dirty little mouth invader to leave the premises and find her mom. She went (crying) to her mom, who ignored her and continued to eat her fries. I was in the Twilight Zone. Every parent in there was a zombie. Completely unaware and checked out.

The rest is a blur. All I remember is grabbing my children and heading for the car. I threw them all in the back end and sanitized all their extremities with 57 antibacterial wipes. A mom (in a velour jump suit) was waiting for my parking spot the entire time. I didn't care. I took my time with each child. We buckled up and burned rubber.

So there you have it. Our trip to McDonald's. Chalk it up as our last. Today we're playing in the rain. If you can't beat Mother Nature, you must join her in all she has to offer. Life is much cleaner that way.